17 Minutes

Everybody loves Oprah. Everybody loves David Blaine. So what can be better than both of them at the same time? Add a giant glass bubble and a new world record and you have some quality television.

Let me just say that David Blaine is one crazy guy. You may remember about two years ago when he attempted to break two world records. He wanted to hold his breath for a record nine minutes (three times longer then I can do), so he spent a week in a glass sphere to get acclimatized to the pressure.

I don't know about you, but spending a week underwater doesn't sound like the best way to spend my time. Five hours in the pool during swim practice made me shrivel all up, and a week is like 150 hours. What would you even do? I mean, yeah there are a lot of people looking up at you in your little bubble, but what is there for entertainment in a glass bubble?

Anyways, Blaine was in the sweet little sphere for a week, setting the record for time underwater. Since he was used to the water pressure, he then attempted his world record try. But this was not the day of David Blaine. Two minutes short of the record he passed out and went into convulsions. Although I have never experienced convulsions, I don't think they would be very enjoyable. I bet David Blaine agrees.

And now Oprah. Blaine decided to try for a different record this time, this time with oxygen hyperventilation beforehand. Being the extremly popular guy he is, Blaine set up his little glass bubble up with Oprah and tried for this record. After breathing pure oxygen for 20 minutes, Blaine proceeded to impress Oprah by holding his breath for a new record of 17 minutes 2 seconds.

Dang

You da man, David Blaine

Seven Rounds of Big People

Unfortunately, the Pro Football season is over. So is the college basketball season, and from now until about August, we are doomed to watch golf and baseball, two of the most boring sports ever. this lack of sportage in any way gives rise to the hype surrounding the seemingly boring NFL Draft.

The draft was this Saturday and Sunday, with seven rounds total, and while I have not gotten desperate enough to actually sit around for hours and watch it, I do keep track of my teams picks, to see if next season will be any better.

Personally, I am a big fan of the Denver Broncos at Mile High. They finished with their first loosing record in almost a decade, so they obviously need some work. With the twelve pick in the first round they were able to snag Offensive Tackle Ryan Clady, a decent pick that strengthens the horrible offensive line. The Broncos picked a return man in the second round, another area where the Broncos haven't achieved much lately. The Broncos had six picks after that with some no-namers.

While it is exciting to see what direction your team is going, the draft is extremely boring. In the first round, there is only one pick every ten minutes, so that round alone last around three hours. The later rounds lack the big names and are generally not very interesting.

I think that being a player in the draft would be agonizing. Waiting until you are called by one of the coaches would be slow and frustrating. Every year you hear of the frustration of a few of the top players that slip way down in the draft.

Now that the draft is over, there shall be no more football until August. It will be painful, but i think I can make it.

To Infinity and Beyond

Hopes of finding ballooning Brazilian priest fade, the title said.

And since when are Brazilians ballooning, and what does that even mean?

I was innocently surfing the web when this abstract title popped up, right next to a Jello-Covered Florida Highway, Wetsuits for Penguins, Spider-infested Australian Hospitals and Penis Theft Panic in the Congo. (Feel free to click and enjoy.) Even with all of these wonderful choices of things to read, I first choice to educate myself about flying Brazilian Priests.

Apparently, Father Adelir Antonio de Carli needed to raise some money for a highway chapel to service truckers. Bypassing the traditional bake sale and car wash, this old priest took fund raising to a higher level, or should I say altitude. After filling thousands of helium balloons, this guy decided to fly about twenty miles to another town in his parish. Too bad the winds were going the other direction. The picture to your right was the last anyone ever saw of Father de Carli.

Throwing caution to the winds (America Loves Puns), this old Catholic guy set off, and was promptly swept out to sea. Soon the Brazilian Air Force, their Coast Guard were searching and the parishioners were praying. Today the search was called off, leading to the forlorn title that attracted me to this odd story.

Alas, the courageous and reckless priest is assumed dead, and all that they have found has been countless fragments of balloons, floating in the Brazilian surf. We will never forget this Ballooning Brazilian.

How 'bout it Howie?

You've picked your case from one of those beautiful models, say number 14, thats a good number. After your first few choices (they weren't bad, the $1, $500, $750,000, $10, and $25 were eliminated) Howie stops you and gets on the phone with the scary secluded banker.

"The offer is fairly high," Howie says, trying to give the show the false sense of suspense that makes it so painfully annoying.

"How bout three trillion dollars. Deal or No Deal?"

Deal

Hell Yes, Howie. Deal. Deal. Deal!

I would push that button so fast, if it meant that I would about a hundred times richer than Bill Gates (who isn't the richest person anymore)

Unfortunately. this is quite an unreal situation formulated by that President of Ours, G-dub.

Junior decided to visit that show that everyone seems to hate, but everyone still watches. Its more addicting than Wheel of Fortune, but not quite up to Trebek and his still-popular Jeopardy.

Anyways, Bush visited Howie's show this week, to seek some help for the upcoming hearings in Congress on the budget. The budget is quite high this year.

George to Howie:

"How would you like to host a three trillion dollar deal or No deal?"

How bout it Howie?

Besides seeking out Howie's advice, the Prez was there to wish luck to an Iraq war veteran, who unfortunately didn't get 3 trillion or a million, but he did get $26000 from the banker. Not bad for about 20 minutes on primetime.

Unfortunately, Howie can't solve all our problems.

Yet Another Super Tuesday?

First was that Tuesday all the way back in February. You remember the one. 22 states and American Samoa (???) voted on who they wanted to be the nominee for President. This was the day that all those CNN commentators said that one candidate would distance themselves from the other. Yeah, that didn't happen.

Next the race between Obama and Clinton shifted to Texas and Ohio. That race was about two months ago, and still we go on. Clinton won those states which didn't help her much in the delegate count, but it did make her happy.

And now the finale, possibly. Today is Pennsylvania, tomorrow the world. Except its not that easy. If Clinton wins, then she can go on for a while longer and drag this thing out more. Clinton is expected to win, so unless all of the old ladies can't get out of the house to vote because of the weather, Obama will have to continue the fight. It is almost impossible for Clinton to catch Obama in the delegate count, but a strong showing will prove that she can win big states. But she needs to win by ten or more percent. Since the expected margin of victory is Clinton over Obama by five points, Pennsylvania will not really mean anything. Its just another virtual stalemate.

And in June we will finally know who will be our democratic nominee for President in 2008. Lucky John McCain, that old guy already knows he has the hard part over with.

Hungry?

Haiti has long been the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, but recently things have gotten significantly worse. The price of rice has risen 40% in recent months and the poor no longer have anything to eat. Many Haitians have resorted to eating dirt cookies made with Crisco, dirt and water. International efforts have attempted to solve this problem. Yesterday Brazilian soldiers handed out food in slums in Haiti. While this may look good in the news, handing out a day's worth of food to a few hundred Haitians out of millions starving will serve no practical purpose.

With the rising food and oil prices across the world, authorities fear that third world countries will fall into chaos when the masses are unable to procure any food. Egypt is in the same boat. Starvation is threatening to unseat the governments.

Haiti has long been a place of chaos, poverty and political turmoil. The revolution of the 1790s by slave uprising completely destroyed the economy and infrastructure, and ever since Haiti hasn't been able to catch up. There was a military coup in the 90s, unseating President Jean-Bertrand Aristide until the US restored him to power a year later. Aristide was forced to flee in 2004 during another bloody military coup. Since then his friend Rene Preval has assumed the presidency. With the food crisis, the masses are calling for Aristide again, who is now living peacefully in South Africa.

While Africa and all of its woes are an ocean away, Haiti is close to America and therefore harder to ignore. In our school, we have helped with the ONE Campaign to reduce poverty and packaged foods for Kids Against Hunger. But to make a real dent in poverty and hunger, we need to help stabilize countries such as Haiti. Giving them food supplies will serve as a temporary measure, but we need to focus more on the long-term, which will require a more robust economy for Haiti.

^^Zim~`Bab~We;-`-!:Mu~Ga~Be?!?

Robert Mugabe has been around for awhile. While his 28 years in power are only half as long as Fidel Castro, Mugabe is in Africa, where it is a lot harder to stay in power for long. It seems like military coups and revolutions are a common-place in war-torn Sub-Saharan Africa. Unfortunately for old Mugabe, his days as leader of Zimbabwe may be over, but don't count him out yet.

Two weeks after the election, the results have been released and Mugabe is shown to have slightly fewer votes than the opposition Movement to Democratic Change (MDC.) As every president has done when he was shown to be losing, Mugabe cried 'foul' and wants a recount. Even before the results were released, Mugabe was suspected of tampering with the votes, and an election official mystriously disappeared and was later found dead.

Mugabe has dispatched troops to various parts of the country and shows no signs of relinquishing control of the pathetic country of Zimbabwe. Regional countries have long ignored Mugabe's questionable tactics, but a summit was called by the Zambian president, only to be deflated by other countries insistence that there is no crisis in Zimbabwe.

Anyway, Mugabe has been calling for a recount, which opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai vehemently opposes. Many Zimbabweans are tired of the political mess and wish for the two sides to enter discussions to end the stalemate. Mugabe, the man responsible for the liberation of Zimbabwe will not give up his power willingly and may resort to another revolution to return to power. He might as well continue the African tradition.

Rain, Rain, go Away

Well the Beijing Olympics are fast approaching, with the opening ceremonies on August 8th. Recently there has been a lot of conflict over Beijing involvement in Tibet and protests have been disrupting the torch relay in places across the globe. Beijing is very anxious to make sure the games go off without a hitch, to show the world that they can take care of business.

Anyways, I was on the Internet looking at stories about the olympics and a certain article caught my eye. The title was slightly odd, it read Operation Beijing Storm: rockets target rain. I had to click on the link because my mind was mulling over what they could possibly mean by 'rockets target rain.'

Apparently, China has a different type of agency--The Weather Modification Office. Can they do that? I haven't heard of a weather modification bureau or anything of the type in America. It seems that the Commies can do something that we can't (gasp!) Back to the rockets. Evidently there are 21 stations surrounding Beijing that will be ready to fire on a moments notice in order to prevent a downpour during the games. These rockets will fire canisters that will disperse silver iodide into approaching rain clouds. Silver iodide is very insoluble in water, and will cause water droplets to concentrate. Abra Cadabra and let there be rain. If this method doesn't force the clouds to drop their moisture elsewhere, then three planes are ready to take off and disperse catalysts that will cause it to rain.

As a side note, weather control has for some reason seemed as an utterly amazing topic to me. How can we mess with nature like that? Can we use this to our advantage? I don't know if any of you have read Michael Crighton's novel State of Fear (author of Jurrassic Park), but this explores a scenario where they manipulate weather. Ecoterrorist fire about a thousand small rockets into an approaching storm system. The rockets have microfilament wire attached to them, which create an easy pathway for electricity and therefore lightning. By dramatically increasing the lightning, the storm grows extremely powerful and causes flash floods and the like. Now I don't know how realistic this scenario is, but wouldn't that be awesome. I have always viewed the realm of weather as one thing that our technology could not influence, that we are stuck with what God throws our way. I guess that there is no end to what we can accomplish.

The Broken Power of American

Over spring break, my family and I went to California for a vacation and a few college visits. On the way back we sat in the airport from 7 PM to 12:30 AM because we had nothing to do and our flight didn't leave until after midnight. This wait was not all that painful, I had things to read and we playd cards for awhile, but it was a long time to sit in those not-so-comfortable chairs. My five-hour wait was slightly long but recently many American Airlines customers have had a much mor lengthy stay.

Beginning Tuesday and still continuing today, 2400, or nearly one third, of American flights were cancelled. The cause of this dilemma is faulty wire bundles that could cause fires (which don't work out so well on airplanes). FAA inspectors found that of seventeen planes inspected, 13 failed, although no incidents have been linked to this problem. (FAA is the Federal Aviation Administration and when they speak, airlines have to listen.) So 300 American jets were grounded, with only 60 cleared to fly so far. Inspectors and mechanics are working overtime trying to get the cancellations to stop, which have stranded a quarter of a million people so far.

Meanwhile on the ever-popular stock market, AMR corp took a huge plunge -- their stock dropped 11%, compounded their losses this year from rising fuel prices and other stuff. Our economy is not in good shape folks.

Added to these losses for American Airlines, they have had to provide countless hotel rooms and travel vouchers for all of those stranded people that can't get home after their vacation to Florida.

Supposedly the cancellations will cease on Saturday or so, but the damage has already been done, the power of American has been broken. And meanwhile, people are sitting idle in terminals across the country, twiddling their thumbs and attempted to call everyone they ever knew on their cell phone or whatever high technology gadget they might have at the time.

Attack of the Handicapped

If you were an old man, no wife, no kids, no vacation home and the promise of even less Social Security money in the future, would you take matters into your own hands? Well, one unidentified man did just that, motoring to the local bank in an electric wheelchair at the pace of about three miles an hour.

We have all seen some action movie where a criminal holds up a bank and escapes from the authorities in a fast car (or Horse for you John Wayne types). Or you could just hide in the bank for a week or two and walk out the front door like Clive Owen in The Inside Man. In that movie the robbers were dressed in painter outfits (so was everyone else for that matter) that obscured their face, and were generally big tough guys, and a few intimidating women.
(Completely ignore this paragraph if you have not seen Inside Man.)

Anyways, the man who robbed the Wachovia Bank in Palo Alto, California was not the typical testosterone-fueled gunmen. This daring criminal decided to rob the bank in a slow moving wheelchair. I can just see the bank teller leaning over to see the nice old man who seems to want to make a deposit.

"How can I help you, Sir?"
Imagine her surprise as the sixty-year old pulls out a Glock handgun and sticks it in her cute little face.

The old man had bandages on his legs, and one leg was sticking straight out, which would make it pretty hard to get close to the teller's box.

He reaches out to grab the bag of money from the cashier, but can't get close enough because of his leg. He keeps ramming it into the counter trying in vain to get his money until the nice young teller comes around the counter to give it to him. On his way out one of the wheels of his chair gets stuck on one of the people who hit the floor the minute they realized the bank was being robbed. After several attempts the man sis able to role over the body and continue outside.

Unfortunately, there is no fast, sweet-looking sports car to whisk him away, and he is resigned
to plodding along at a pathetically slow pace in his wheelchair, yet he is able to elude authorities and makes a successful escape.

Be on the lookout for a handicapped man with a bag of money and a very large pistol

(While the story is true, I obviously took a few liberties with the facts)